Everyone who has children goes through, will go through, or has already gone through the critical phase that occurs between 2 and 3 years of age. It's a complex time because they are no longer babies and are becoming little children.
This process is not easy; it's like a teenager becoming an adult. They think they are independent, believe they can do anything, and become completely fearless of the world around them. Not to mention the ego that becomes greater than anything else. They think everything revolves around them, that we have to do anything they want, with exclusive attention, without the right to talk to anyone else around.
I believe it's not an easy time for the child, who is full of new feelings and can't express them coherently. Of course, they are still small beings who have just come out of diapers: how can they be fully aware of their actions? Normal. It's not easy for us parents either; we need to learn to deal with this "crisis," hysterical, by the way, in the best possible way, without stress, without drama, and without madness. Giving in to tantrums or rudeness, no, never. But living the whole day in conflict, fighting, or reproving the child for everything silly they do can't be the solution either. So, what's the formula? Does it even exist?
I'm a fan of a particular book, "Limites sem Trauma" (Limits without Trauma), by educator Tania Zagury. In it, she describes clearly the importance of the firmness parents must have in these moments and how we should avoid faltering or losing our minds. I admire her even more because, throughout the book, she disapproves of spanking, which I have never been in favor of either. In fact, I'm strongly against it. It's useless to think that hitting will make your child respect you; respect doesn't come from brute force, it comes from conversation, explanation, and the solid relationship that is built from the day they are born. Not to mention the bad example they are receiving inside their own home, from the people they trust the most in the world and whom they should not fear but admire.
Therefore, since we are talking about this subject, I would like to propose to our readers to share here what they do to deal with tantrums, scandals, fits, and challenges imposed by their children in our hectic day-to-day lives. All tips and stories are very welcome. Thus, with the exchange of information, it becomes easier for us to find each one's own formula for educating the little ones. You can share stories about nieces, friends' children, neighbors, etc. Feel free to comment!
This chronicle was published on the Pais&Filhos magazine website in November 2012.
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